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Gambling
Jokes
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A
computer programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other
on a transcontinental flight. The programmer leaned over to the
engineer and asked whether he would like to play a game. The engineer
only wanted to take a nap, so he politely declined, rolled over
toward the window and closed his eyes.
The programmer persisted and stated that the game was both very
easy and a lot of fun. He explained "I ask you a question -
if you don't know the answer, you pay me five bucks. Then you ask
me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay five bucks
to you."
Again,
the Engineer politely declined and closed his eyes. The programmer,
somewhat agitated, said, "OK, if you don't know the answer
you pay me five bucks, but if I don't know the answer, I'll pay
you fifty bucks!"
This
caught the engineer's attention, and - seeing no end to his torment
unless he played the game - agreed to play. The programmer asked
the first question: "What's the distance between the Earth
and the Moon?"
The
engineer wordlessly reached into his wallet, pulled out a five dollar
bill and handed it to the programmer.
Now
it was the engineer's turn. He asked the programmer: "What
goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The
programmer looked puzzled, then took out his laptop computer and
searched through all his reference material. He tapped into the
AirPhonex with his modem and searched through the Internet and the
Library of
Congress, all to no avail. Then he sent urgent E-mail inquiries
to all of his brightest colleagues, but could find no help anywhere.
After
an hour or so he woke the engineer and forked over $50. The engineer
accepted the money politely and closed his eyes again.
The
programmer, more than slightly frustrated, shook the engineer's
shoulder and demanded, "So, what's the answer?".
The
engineer just smiled, reached again into his wallet, handed the
programmer a five dollar bill, and went right back to sleep.
Once
there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept
them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had
a beautiful daughter who was single (of course).
One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he
announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every
man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the
man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge
unharmed!"
As
soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large
SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the
crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to
the other side unharmed.
The
millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible!
Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my
end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million
dollars?"
The
guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want
your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
The
nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor
had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in
cash to give away as she saw fit.
Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Catherine
Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw.
As
she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against
the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor.
She
immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously
known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven
to receive her offering.
She
pressed the $50 into the man's hands and said, "Godspeed, my
good man."
As
she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?"
Shyly,
she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."
The
following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the
bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said.
The
nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but I cannot disturb
her right now. She's in the chapel. May I give her a message?"
"Yes,"
said the man gleefully. "Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed
came in second at the horse race."
Bubba
is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying
a prostitute for sex.
" How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.
" Not Guilty, your honor."
Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds,
"How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence,
if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the
alleged prostitute right here on tape?"
" Easy," says Bubba, "I'll admit to the court that
although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing
another 'heinous' crime, gambling."
" Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?"
" Well you see," answers Bubba, "I went up to the
young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar
and said to her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex
with me tonight'. That videotape is just footage of me losing the
bet!”
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