Gambling Jokes

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A computer programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on a transcontinental flight. The programmer leaned over to the engineer and asked whether he would like to play a game. The engineer only wanted to take a nap, so he politely declined, rolled over toward the window and closed his eyes.
The programmer persisted and stated that the game was both very easy and a lot of fun. He explained "I ask you a question - if you don't know the answer, you pay me five bucks. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay five bucks to you."

Again, the Engineer politely declined and closed his eyes. The programmer, somewhat agitated, said, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me five bucks, but if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you fifty bucks!"

This caught the engineer's attention, and - seeing no end to his torment unless he played the game - agreed to play. The programmer asked the first question: "What's the distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

The engineer wordlessly reached into his wallet, pulled out a five dollar bill and handed it to the programmer.

Now it was the engineer's turn. He asked the programmer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The programmer looked puzzled, then took out his laptop computer and searched through all his reference material. He tapped into the AirPhonex with his modem and searched through the Internet and the Library of
Congress, all to no avail. Then he sent urgent E-mail inquiries to all of his brightest colleagues, but could find no help anywhere.

After an hour or so he woke the engineer and forked over $50. The engineer accepted the money politely and closed his eyes again.

The programmer, more than slightly frustrated, shook the engineer's shoulder and demanded, "So, what's the answer?".

The engineer just smiled, reached again into his wallet, handed the programmer a five dollar bill, and went right back to sleep.

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single (of course).
One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!

The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit.
Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw.

As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor.

She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven to receive her offering.

She pressed the $50 into the man's hands and said, "Godspeed, my good man."

As she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?"

Shyly, she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."

The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said.

The nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but I cannot disturb her right now. She's in the chapel. May I give her a message?"

"Yes," said the man gleefully. "Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at the horse race."

Bubba is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex.
" How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.
" Not Guilty, your honor."
Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on tape?"
" Easy," says Bubba, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous' crime, gambling."
" Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?"
" Well you see," answers Bubba, "I went up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!”

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