Gambling
Jokes
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A
man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where
are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las
Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to
do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing
HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm
going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going
to live on $1000 a year!"
One
day, at a casino buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son's
choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite
experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost
no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's
gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went
back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank
you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No,"
replied the man. "I work for the IRS
Two
friends, Harry and Potter, went together to play the slot machines
at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone,
he would go set on the bench and wait for the other to finish.
Potter
quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He
waited and waited and waited some more. After what seemed an eternity,
he saw Harry coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins.
"Hey,
Potter," said Harry, "how'd you do?" "Well, Harry", said Potter,
"you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like
you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Harry, "did I ever find
a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you
can't lose! Every time you put in a buck four quarters come out!"
President
Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent
the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians
before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built
us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. We learned to drink
vodka and play Russian roulette. President Clinton frowned. "Russian
roulette is a dangerous game!"
The
African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette.
If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have
to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and in paraded
a half dozen, magnificently built women who immediate shrugged
off their garb. "You can choose any one of those women to give
you oral sex," he told Clinton.
As
you can well imagine, THIS got Clinton's immediate attention,
and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to
him. "How is this related to Russian roulette?"
The
African leader smiled evilly, leaned towards Clinton and in a
soft, even voice said "One of them is a cannibal."
A
regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after
midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an
urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's
in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's
it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last
deal."
Did
you hear the one about the woman who hit her husband on the head
with a rolling pin?
Suffering
from a sudden headache, her husband asked her, "What was
that all about?"
"I
found a piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Mary
Lou written on it." She replied
"That's
the name of a horse I got a hot tip on." He replied
Accepting
his explanation she apologizes for whacking him.
A
few days later, she nails him on the head again, even harder.
When
he regains consciousness, he asks "Why on earth did you do
that?"
"Your
horse phoned."
There's
the touching story of the young man who said to his girlfriend,
"I bet you wouldn't marry me." The story goes that she
not only called his bet, but she raised him five!
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